Bad stuffing can ruin Thanksgiving for me. One year the hostess made 2 different stuffings. One with apples and grapes and another with anchovies. The fuck? Worst Turkey Day ever.
I could never date somebody that likes Cool Whip better than whipped cream. And while I’m at it: Fuck Twizzlers and mayo. Red Vines and Miracle Whip are where it’s at.
Bad day? Fortunately, I keep Airplane! and Aiplane II: The Sequel saved on my DVR for just such an emergency.
I saw Dallas Buyers Club a few weeks ago. Good movie. Matthew McConaughey is great in it.
My silence should tell you everything you need to know.
Watched a couple episodes of Girls over the long weekend. I don’t understand the appeal. It seems like an unfunny Sex and The City ripoff with uglier bitches.
Nobody wants to play your favstar games anymore.
I annoy the shit out of myself sometimes, so I’ve got a pretty good idea what it’s like for everybody else.
Chutney sauce can go fuck itself.
Getting back together with an ex is like buying back a totaled car held together with wire and duct tape. Caveat emptor.
Just 10? I’ve got way too many. How ‘bout the ones I’ve seen too many times to count?
The Princess Bride
Smokey and the Bandit
The Shawshank Redemption
Star Wars 4,5,6
|—||(500) Days Of Summer|
I Heisenberg’d my head again. This time I ended up with 2 nice sized gashes on my dome. Alcohol and razors do not mix.
You’d think that if you were raised in a barn you’d remember to close the door. Barn doors are fucking huge.
I used to talk with a girl that used “blow j” to describe oral sex. Not BJ. Not blow job. Blow j? Annoyed the shit out of me.
I’ve got a face you’ll never forget. The rest of me you’ll forget in like 2 seconds.
I don’t miss you. I miss the person I thought you were.
Your Twitter/Tumblr crush is juggling 4 other motherfuckers just like you.
If you can get past the walls and obstacles I’ve put up over the years, I’m totally worth the effort.
What oral sex move lets you get away with murder?
The Blow J. Simpson.